i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
