I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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