dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
