The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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