So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
