My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
