Already got asked if we're dating
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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