She is in my trunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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