I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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