My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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