K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
