Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
