if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
