i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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