oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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