so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
