she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Fuck appropriateness.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
