I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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