what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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