you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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