I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
