I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
