This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
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Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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