At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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