I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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