umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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