i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
