So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
