you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
