i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
