I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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