took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
