why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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