I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
