in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
