When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was born a porn star she said
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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