don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
