my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
