All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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