why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
