He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
