My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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