Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
