420 ftw
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
