I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
