Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
