Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
