I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
