You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
