youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
