ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
