Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
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NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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