Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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