The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
