we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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