dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
