I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
