He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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