You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
