I'm jealous of your bromance
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
