first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
