im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I die, sorry about rent.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
