two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
