happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.