I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
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We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.