I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season