I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.