Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
