I think i peed on brittanys purse
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
