dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
