He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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