Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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