Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
