Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
