I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
